Good Morning M, I'm glad you found this post inspiring and even more so, I'm glad you chose to write and express yourself to me ~I really can't imagine what all you're going through, though I sure know what it's like to be sick and laid up, out of commission for as long as you have.
I've done my very best to stay connected with you and likewise, to attend to the voices within me, that have felt frustrated and impatient at not being able to speak to share and communicate.
As always, my main priority is to meet the energies that come up in me. To always listen to, embrace and gently hold or if challenging, redirect through my Heartspace, in efforts to transform them to be more comforting and soothing.
Needless to say, it's taken my lifetime to learn how to do this. And much more important, it's taken even longer to develop the will in the midst of the challenges, to do so.
As I've shared, a person's true character always reveals itself in adversity. When the crunch hits hard, is when you get to see not just how you manage and deal with the squeeze but where you are in your Soul's evolutionary journey as well. Or not.
And so I've been especially attentive to how I relate with you (first witnessing in myself), during these past many days and likewise, how you've chosen to relate with me. All this is very telling M and for me, a fascinating expose of our characters in stress.
As brief backstory: up until now, I've always been attracted to really strong women. What can I say, I love strength and a women's sense of her power in how she moves through life. And yet, after dealing with their strengths and power, I came to recognize that they too were learning how to weld and express their masculine Lifeforce consciously. And were themselves, deep in the learning curves of this discovery.
As with forceful guys, they were often head strong and willful and often pushy in needing to get their needs met. As with Humans in general, they often made it about me when I didn't easily comply to their wishes or choices ... hey, under our skins and sexual equipment and identities, we're really not so different after all.
As I've watched my thoughts and behaviors here, I've also watched yours in how you've related and reacted to me. And imagined what I, you and we would be like in relationship, especially when we don't get our needs met or attended to by the other.
Of course, there's no way to accurately tell, is there? And yet, for most people, their futures tend to follow their pasts. What you've seen, is what you'll get again.
I know you're hurting and in a very deep passage, perhaps one of the Soul Ages for you. I get this, as I'm no stranger to this hard process of Awakening. In this - as ever in times of crunch and squeeze - compassion, forgiveness and loving kindness goes a really long way, wouldn't you say?
Again, first with myself and in this case, then with you. This is my Self commitment, my values-in-action ... and without getting too high and mighty, my Sacred Masculine Code as well. Simply put: these values-in-action, my dear, are what define me.
I won't spend the energy going over and review our exchanges together, the pieces that felt really good and these that didn't. I have no desire or investment to make any points here, certainly not at your expense - knowing that whatever I would say, simply reflects my personality's uncertainty in opening up to the enormous currents, that have touched and caressed me so far.
Besides, I'm not too sure that whatever I might say, won't be spun around, in how I'm asking too much from you or am not satisfied with what you're able to give in your heavily weakened state. As mentioned, I absolutely will not wear the projections of another's discontent. At all.
Nor will I keep banging on a door that either isn't opening or simply can't, to meet and match me. However as a core value, I will do my best to listen when you speak to me.
As I've repeatedly said, I come from some heavily impacted and difficult relationship terrain. Though not to bemoan this, I also know I (and here's a really big word!) need the women I open up to, to be able to hold space for me in my tenderness and vulnerability. And therefore, not always make it about herself and yes (and here's where it tends to get sticky and tricky), their needs in the moment.
In this respect, who am I to ask this or anything else of you? You are a free agent, as am I. If we both don't clearly know what's available and possible between us and what's been revealed Itself to us, within us - and know how to honor and express this consciously, then I most certainly don't want to proceed.
I don't want a 'training partner' here or a women who either hasn't done her personal work or quite frankly, doesn't know how. I want a women who can stand strong in her conscious connection and alignment with their Source Self. Day in and day out. No matter what, as best she possibly can, just as I do my very best to do. I want it all!
A women who's not afraid of her strengths or tenderness - and has the life experience to know what to do when and how, even at the same time, if necessary. I want a women who will do what's necessary to keep making love happen.
I also know M, that unless there's this quality of consciousness shared between us, not only will the glorious energies not be able to manifest and express properly, they will tear us apart and shred our egos to their core. I've already done this and won't do it again, not with someone who isn't up to the task.
Please know, I'm not drawing a line in the sand between us - though I am within myself. This email is to state what I can do, what I commit to and what my values are in doing so. How you respond is 100% your business and an intimate reflection of what you're about and what your values-in-action are. Yes Sweet Pea, it's show & tell time.
I've already spent time in New Age LaLaland and have heard and spouted all the yada-yada I'll ever need to hear or say. I've already tried marching to other's drum rolls to earn their validation, approval and love. Been there and done all that. And now all I want the whole enchilada.
I ONLY WANT SACRED UNION.
And someone who is up to the Gift in bringing this about in their and in turn, our lives.
I truly hope and trust you're finding your way through this passage as consciously as possible and if at all possible, able to rest in the love, care and admiration I feel for you. Do with this what you will ~
Be very well
Only Blessings On Your Way,